I remember the time when there was a special someone who was so much a part of my life. There was always a moment we were together. It seemed so perfect. Sure we fought every now and then, but problems were there to make the relationship grow stronger. thats what i thought. =)We would work through the problem, and not just ignore it and hope for it to go away. With all that he and I had been through together, I thought that nothing would ever separate us. But as life would have it, we cant stay on a cloud nine forever.
“ I guess this is it, finally we’ll be out of each other’s life” I told myself softly after reading his reply to my e-mail. That is how it all began or I guess ended. The more than a year the two of us had shared were some of the happiest, hardest and most educational times I ever experienced. It seemed impossible that this was the last conversation we would have as him and I, the couple.
I have ignored the fact that majority of college relationships do not last. I guess, on the back of my mind I always thought that he was the only man I would ever have these feelings for, that he was the only man who would ever understand me. I never took into account that the last month of our relationship was one of the hardest times I had ever gone through. It just stopped being fun. It stopped being about us and started to be about everything that surrounded him and me.
I totally flipped. I felt so bad. I was frustrated, depressed, confused and hysterical all at once. I kept asking myself “why? What happened? What did I do? I couldn’t sleep nor eat for days. Id just cry my eyes out. I would close my eyes and see his face. Id look around me and everything would remind me of him. Id hear songs and id remember him. There were times that id be out of my friends and I would think id see him but it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Id wake up my best friend in the middle of the night and cry to him because I felt like my heart had been ripped out. My world was shattered.
One night, I couldn’t stand it. I gave up and texted him. It didn’t last five minutes before I broke down and started crying. I told him how much I missed him. We had been through so much together that I could not imagine getting through this on my own. He told me that he would always be there for me when I needed him but I guess it would be impossible for him to love me as much as he did before.
Then of course, I hit the stage of depression. I gathered everything that he gave me and put everything on a huge paper bag and I was debating with myself whether to give it back to him or not. Well, eventually I didn’t. I know its exactly the smartest and most proper thing to do. But sometimes when our emotions get the best of us, even the smartest people make stupid mistakes.
It was really difficult for me. I just wanted to forget it all happened. When people would ask me what had happened, id just say that I didn’t want to talk about it. I went out with my friends, and just had fun. Of course, there were still moment that id think about him and then I miss him. But hey, that’s life.
I don’t know at exactly what point things started to change. I began spending time with my friends. I joined the clubs I was in to before, I studied so hard, I took seminars and trainings and made after-school plans. I was doing all I could to stay busy with work, friends and having fun. He and I talk occasionally, the things of the past was forgiven. There is still a part of me that will always care. I believe that the past is there for me to learn from.
Slowly I began to have fun by myself, without him. Beyond that, I discovered things I liked doing, ways I could be of help. I lent a sympathetic ear to others who were hurting.I began to smile and finally laugh again. Whole days would pass without a thought of him. I would see him somewhere and wave. I was ready to be friends with him. Because I know I didnt cover a big wound with a band-aid and forget about it. I let the wound heal itself and felt enough pain to know that I had truly cared for him.
The wonderful thing that had happened was that I learned to be a whole person again and not half a couple. Maybe if were not meant for each other, I believe that I am meant to someone else. I know hes out there somewhere, and I trust God will bring us together. Ive tried doing things on my own and usually just mess them up. Ive had my heart broken into pieces so small you could fit the pieces on the eye of a needle. That’s why I decided to trust God instead of doing everything my way..
And besides, why mope around and be depressed when there is so much in this world to experience? We all have friends who’ll stick by us until the very end, friends who stick by us through the good and the worst.I had to ask myself if never caring for someone so that I wouldn’t feel that hurt was worth. I know now the famous quote is true “It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives"
1 comment:
naks, men. lalim. nalulunod ako. very deep man.
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