eMo RaNt =d

Sometimes…(most of the time should I say) I wish I could just curl into a ball so tight that I would just disappear, like I never existed at all. But no matter how tight I squeeze I can never disappear, and I never feel much better about since i've almost lost him…or anything else. Its been over 60 days now… I think 63 days to be exact…from me crying my eyes out everyday for such a great nightmare.

Life is a series of disappointments. Agree with me or not, you know that I am right. Once in a while, life gives you just enough of a boost upwards so that it can slam you back down to the ground with the force of a twelve pounds sledgehammer.In general these days, life is good, but I can't help but wonder when the whole thing is going to come crashing down on top of my head. I enjoy what im ddoing in my work as of the moment and I'm beginning to make friends after moving away from all that I knew. But there's still that fear that when I least expect it, someone or something is going to pull the string and all of it is going to fall like a soufflé in the oven when someone slams the door...I keep telling myself that I am wrong and that life can be good. Life can do wonderful things, but with all the times in the past, I feel like it's history repeating itself all over again. Life works in circles, you know and this seems to be no different than any other time. We'll just have to wait and see. If it is just iteration in this life, then I'll be ready for it. I've been hurt enough times in the past that life can't fool me like that anymore. My heart and mind are long since scarred from the past and scars are nature's armor against further damage...