sick..sick..

weeeeee! am so sick. dont have voice. haays. wanna get through with all the pressures and stress. as of now, I don't know what to do... I'm half-sad and in a way, im happy....

I can tell he's trying to get along, but I'm still miserable. And no matter what I do, I'm still going to be miserable for the forseeable future. I had decided I wouldnt leave him but i just did! ;(.. and that's partially because I'm afraid to actually go. I'm so afraid that whatever I do will make everyone get mad at me..I've been trying to work through our differences and get along, but I don't know if I can. I still feel the affection for him.. but on the other hand, I don't want put behind the beautiful memories we'd..he's one of the best person i have.. and i must admit im still in love wit him..

I keep talking to people about it, but it all comes down to me. This is a decision I will have to stand for... I've been putting it off, but that's not fair to anyone.And you know, at this point,

I don't think talking things over and made promises again would solve that many problems... we'd still have a lot of work to do, just to get back to a functional relationship. But I think the thing that might be the final straw is that I view things differently now....

There have just been so many things over the course of our relationship, and particularly in the past weeks that really makes me wonder. The largest part of me just wants out. I just want to start over. But I keep thinking of him.. And I don't know what's best for him... I

I really need to make up my mind... this being in limbo is driving me insane. I will literally have a psychotic break if I don't get things straightened out.