Oh I thought they say that dramas are made for movies and not for realities. But it seems like I want to be so dramatic now. and just type and cry and type and cry.. I’ve no one to talk to about this, and I think only few would visit this site..idc at all.. I don’t want to talk to mom about this because I cant bear to see tears in her eyes too L I don’t want to sound so mushy and call me an “emo” yeewwks.. and supposedly, hey! it’s a brand new year for me and I should have a good year starter. But I dunno, I don’t feel like looking forward on something to do that will make my life happier.. there’s nothing else but just a simple statement of my dad’s physician saying that he’ll be okay and there’s nothing to worry about.. and that he’ll live forever… hahais.. im so dead worried about his health condition, its been almost two years now that he is undergoing hemodialysis due to his chronic renal disease. We spent quite a large sum of money so things wont be that hard for him..and yet it seems that its all useless.. despite that, I can still see him in pain and suffering..oh God!! Help him pls.. it cripples my heart into tiny pieces..
I’ve been thinking deeply about it. But I cant convince myself still that dad isn’t as healthy as before. That his life 5 years ago and now had a big difference. That he could no longer walk w/o a crutch, he could no longer run, he could no longer fixed the bulb in my room when the bulb wont function, that he could no longer have the normal life of a 54 y/o strong man,.. this is really hard.. and I think I wont be able to survive and take this reality.. If only we could choose situations that will break our hearts, I would rather be cheated by my boyfriend, or the hell if he left me or kissed the prettiest woman in the world right infront of me… oh hell I would surely prefer that than whats breaking my heart now..
O god! pls assure me that my dad will just be okay.. he will be.. he will always be there for us, he’s not going anywhere.. I love you so much papa..=(
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